A Secret Untold: Part XI by: Thalisirwen

Pacing my room, I listened to the others eating dinner far below. I wondered if Aragorn was there. I wondered if he noticed I was gone. I wondered if he knew how I felt, if he had guessed yet, if he felt the same way. I told myself not to be so stupid, Aragorn was the heir to Isildur, one day he would marry Arwen, and they would have many children and live happily until they died.

I couldn't believe I'd cried in front of him. How weak he must think I am? How little must he now think of me? An elven archer, a prince nonetheless, crying. How feeble have I become?

I knew I should go to dinner, I was sure someone would come to my room if I did not. But the thought of food made me feel sick, and I couldn't just pretend to eat. Nor could I sit there and see Arwen and Aragorn so happy together.

How I longed for the green forests of Mirkwood, where I could sit in the trees and feel the sap running inside them, how I longed for the years before I met Aragorn, before I lost my heart to him.

He doesn't know how I feel. How could he? I always hide any trace of feeling from him. How wouldn't care anyway. I can see him in my mind, laughing condescendingly at me as I declare my love for him, the whole house in uproar as I drop to my knees, begging forgiveness. I can see him walking away from me, leaving me alone in the dark, after giving me a look of utter contempt. I can see them throwing me out of Rivendell, I can see my own father banishing me from my beloved Mirkwood. I see myself living as an outcast, dying of grief in the dirt.

But how long could I hide? Could I bury my feelings and return to Mirkwood, fill myself with false love for Valrodiel, pretend to myself that I loved her and not Aragorn? No, I couldn't use the sweet Valrodiel as a way of hiding how I truly felt, in my heart of hearts I knew I could not.

Stepping outside, I leaned against the wall and breathed in the cool night air as I stared out at the landscape. The buildings of Rivendell almost shone in the moonlight, the whispering trees waved a little in the light breeze. Even from up here I could smell the scent of the flowers in the gardens far below. A lone couple left the building silently, a female leading a male...recognising them, I leaned forward to see...Aragorn and Arwen. She was leading him towards the most secluded place in Rivendell; the place I followed them before, a mere shadow amongst the trees, to a bridge where she cast away her immortality because of her love for him, and his love for her, so that they could live happily as mortals, that she would die as he would. Theirs is a love that would last forever, through life, into death, and beyond. As I watched them walk into the trees, I realised I could take no more. I felt stifled here, so near and yet so far from my love...I had come to a decision, the only solution to this problem. I had to leave Rivendell, now.

| Part XII |
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