The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth: Part VIII
by Camilla Sandman
Part Eight: Frodo and Sam Sitting in a Tree?
Lina awoke to the now quite familiar feeling of just having missed something. She groaned, feeling a lump on the back of her head. What was it now?
"You have the WORST luck!" Dot exclaimed, noticing that her friend was awake.
"You and Nimroth were walking back from Elrond's class, remember? He had you writing 'I Shall Not Snigger in Elrond's Class' in Quenya a hundred times."
"Oh yeah." Lina sighed. "What did I do, walk into the door on the way back?"
"Nooo. Don't you remember? You walked into Legolas!"
"You passed out! He carried you back here with a drooling Nimroth in tow."
"Shitshitshitshitsht," Lina muttered. She couldn't believe it! Again she'd had the chance, again she had been thwarted. Was this a conspiracy? In her fanfics it had always been so easy.
"You better get up though, we have Platonic Love 101 in a few minutes. I hear some of the hobbits slept outside the theatre so they'd get the best seats."
Still angrily muttering, Lina grabbed the textbook ('Love Without Making Love') and followed the crowd.
They passed a sleeping Alisha in the hallway, who no one seemed to have woken. Maybe just as well, for there seemed to be quite a fight going on in the lecture theatre.
"Sam, I tell you, Sam!" cried Rain, flanked by Jera who was nodding vigerously.
"No, FRODO!" Melilot countered, "Frodo is the best Ringbearer! He carried it the longest!"
"He couldn't throw it into the fires of Mount Doom!" Jera replied.
"The One Ring is irrestitable," muttered Starr, whom Lina had many a time spotted looking dreamily at her own hand, as if she was imagining the Ring on it.
"FRODO!" Magda bellowed.
"They're fighting over who's best, Sam or Frodo," explained Gina in a low voice to Lina. "Honestly, I don't know why they're bothering, it's Merry all the way. Or maybe Pippin."
Hobbits. Lina shook her had and sat down, just as a few of the hobbits began throwing paper at each other. In the ruckus, no one noticed the real Sam and Frodo entering, flanked by Miss Cam.
"Detention for all the hobbits. Sit DOWN!"
And as everyone with a desire to live knew, you listened to Miss Cam. Within a heartbeat everyone was seated.
"Good morning," a smiling Frodo said, causing half the first row to swoon. "I am Frodo Baggins, this is Samwise Gamgee. To begin with, how many here have written.. umm.."
"Slash," Miss Cam shot in helpfully.
"Yes, umm.. slash. with me and Sam?"
Some hands were raised. Frodo and Sam looked astonished.
"But I would not think of Master Frodo in that way!" Sam blurted out.
"Yes, you do," came a low whisper.
"What? Who said that?"
There was a dead silence. Everyone stared at the slash writers, but no one there seemed to have said anything.
"Sam loves Frodo, Sam loves Frodo," came the taunting voice again, and it seemed to come from Frodo. From inside his shirt.
"It's been such a pain since it learned common," Frodo muttered, whipping out the One Ring. The class gasped. "Would you shut up?"
"Sam and Frodo, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S." the Ring sang.
"Shut UP, or I'm reading Bombadil poetry to you again."
"Oh, fine, FINE! I'm just trying to help here, you know. Showing my gratitude for rescuing me from Gollum. The dude had an even worse social life than Sauron. I'm a people Ring you know. I like to be seen. I like to. Oh, look at that chick on row one.."
Frodo rolled his eyes while all the girls on row one tried to figure who the Ring was referring to.
"You need to get laid, Frodo," the Ring continued, adding a purr.
"Merry dol, Tom Bombadil's a merry fellow.." Sam muttered, STILL blushing. But it worked, for the Ring finally seemed to shut up. Strangely enough, it seemed to radiate sulking though.
"Okay. The exam in this subject will be a loving, non-sexual friendship story of two males from Middle-earth. We will also have a mid-term exam on.." Frodo began.
"Why Frodo needs a girlfriend," the Ring piped in.
"Shut up. On clues to why it's platonic love and not sexual love. Any questions?"
All the hobbits raised their hands.
"Any questions that is not personal questions about either me or Sam."
All the hands fell down again.
"Okay. Everyone please open their textbooks on chapter one, 'When a Hug is An statement of Friendship Not An Interlude to Sex'. Sam, the chart please."
"Yes, Master Frodo." Sam lifted up a chart nearly his size. "This chart shows situation when a hug is just a hug. This includes comforting after having lost a fellow friend, joy over having escaped certain death, reuniting with someone you believed was dead, excitement over finding a batch of mushrooms.."
"Thank you, Sam. Does anyone have other situations when a hug is just an statement of friendship?"
"I have!" Georgia bravely suggested, then leaped over her desk and before anyone could react, tackled Frodo.
There was a loud boom. Then Georgia stood up, spotting brand new extremely pink ears. Long ears, so long that they stuck out like antennas over her head. Frodo rose, looking slightly dazed, but unhurt.
"Sure, NOW he asked me to help" the Ring complained. "I get no love."
"You all right Master Frodo?" Sam asked, concerned.
"I'm fine, Sam."
The two seemed to move in for a hug when.
"Frodo and Sam, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I."
| Part IX |
| Index |