The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth: Part XX
by Camilla Sandman
There are times when everything that can possibly go wrong, goes wrong. Well, not really, because if everything that could go wrong, went wrong, the world would have long since blown up. But there are times it feels like everything that can possibly go wrong, indeed goes wrong.
Like trying to sneak into the toilets very quietly and unnoticed because a certain Witch-Wall there has a crush on you, and then managing to lock yourself in there. Three hours of love poems and an extremely chatty wall can drive anyone nuts and is not a recommended way to start a day.
Then trotting off to get breakfast only to discover the hobbits have eaten everything while you were locked in the toilets, and have nearly eaten you pet as well (just because BreadLegs was a bread on legs, was no excuse for nearly eating it). Poor BreadLegs took an hour to stop shaking.
It doesn't help to then discover Toey must have snuck into the bedroom (or been left there by certain evil people), and an entire essay from the day before have been filled with sentences of the type "Teh Ewil Dark Lord ic a veri dangerus person tu annoi" and thus has to be redone.
Nor is it much fun to then have Gollum come a-calling, looking for his 'preciousss' and taking ages to find the blasted toe ring hidden in your underwear draw. Of course, when Gollum has finally trotted off, you discover some of your underwear is missing.
And that's just the start of the morning. Come lunchtime, your friends decide to get the information they want out of you with a tickle torture session. And because torture attracts Dark Lords like dwarves to a mithril mine, the whole things gets out of hand.
When you finally get away, you realise you have to use the toilet again, and a certain Wall is still wailing. Who would have known evil could be so. So wail-y? And capable of writing poetry so bad Tom Bombadil would be proud?
Just as you think nothing more can possible go wrong, you discover a certain Ent called LongPonder has mistaken your room for his Entwife's (not that Lotus was really his Entwife, but he was convinced such was the case and kept bringing her Entdroughts and wanting hugs) and can't tell you apart from his object of affection.
And finally, your pet wants to go for a walk and you get caught in a rainstorm.
That was the kind of day Lina was having. If more could go wrong, she wasn't really keen on knowing what. She didn't allow herself to utter the "What else can go wrong?" though, for as everyone know, that is an invitation to get a demonstration of just what else can go wrong. The gods/God/evil forces/whatever you believed in were nothing if not equipped with a sense of irony. It's a vital God-quality, that.
Ducking in under a tree, she decided to wait the storm out. She briefly wondered which of the Dark Lords had summoned it, or if Gandalf was working on his Which Weather Witch again (it was like a kitchen witch, only it was supposed to bring you good weather. Sadly, it seemed to want to do the opposite).
Shivering, she realised she was so wet there was not a dry spot on her. BreadLegs looked equally miserable, making its little "Oyoy" sounds (it could be her imagination, but she was sure BreadLegs were actually starting to pick up words) and staring up at her.
"Okay, let's run for it."
Three slips in the mud later and as wet as a drowned hobbit, Lina managed to stumble inside. Two slips on the floor later she reached her room, slammed the door open and pulled her top off.
There was a sharp intake of breath. Spinning around, Lina just prayed it wasn't.
Gimli was standing in the corner, looking like he had seen the promised land.
"Dot said I should wait for you here," he muttered. "I was... umm.coming by to invite you to. umm. I'll just wait in the hallway."
He exited quickly, but she was sure she caught a smile on his lips just before the door closed behind him. Closing her eyes, Lina fell down on the bed. Great. This had to have been the day she had worn a white bra and there had to have been pouring rain as well.
BreadLegs snuggled against her chin in sympathy.
"Why do I look like a mess whenever Gimli or Legolas is around, BreadLegs? You think it's a curse?"
"Oyoyoy," BreadLegs replied.
"You're right about that," Lina grumbled. "Right. I'll just get dressed and act like this happens all the time in my world. After all, I heard some of the girls tried to flash Legolas, so.He'll heard of that. Maybe I can convince him it's just a form of greeting."
Opening her closet, she tried to decide what to wear. The only problem was nothing much seemed to be clean. She had been telling herself to do the washing for days now, but she never really listened.
"What else can go wrong?" she groaned without thinking, wondering if Dot had anything she could borrow.
There was a second's silence.
"Oh shit! I didn't mean that, I really didn't."
There was another second's silence, then she had the strangest sensation of flying, flying, flying. Oh shit. It was that day today.
'Note to self: Stay away from the windows at the Annual Ent-Tossers Championship,' she managed to think before the ground greeted her.
| Part XXII |
| Index |