A Secret Untold: Part VI by: Thalisirwen
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The night was silent, all but for the whispering of the trees. No singing and dancing, no merriment. Just me and the night. I sighed as I walked slowly through the gardens, inhaling the scent of night blossom, mulling over my problems. The moon gave ample light to see, for which I was glad, as a torch would attract the attention of the watch, and I just wanted to be alone. Wandering along the paths, I fell deep into thought as I remembered my dream, which had brought back all the thoughts I'd been trying to push away. What exactly were my feelings for Legolas? I try and try to push them away, and yet they just come back again, haunting my thoughts and dreams. But maybe its time to stop trying to deny it. I love Legolas.

I never wanted to, I never imagined I'd be brooding over an elf, especially a prince. He was just so fair and beautiful, once I'd got to know him it happened all to soon: I fell in love with the elven prince.

When I met Arwen, I had hoped that all these unwanted thoughts would go away. True, I fell in love with Arwen. Or so I thought. I still feel something for her, just more of a fondness rather than love. But could I live without her? How could I leave her, after she abandoned her immortality for me? I cannot admit my love for Legolas, I cannot.

It would break Arwen's heart, I would be banished from Rivendell and most likely Mirkwood, and would have to live to the end of my days as an outcast, shunned by those I loved simply for loving. No, I cannot admit my feelings.

At that moment, I felt so lonely. I had no one, really. Legolas was not mine, never would be, and I could never feel for Arwen the way I used to feel for her, the way I feel now for Legolas. The night was so empty, so solitary. The moon sat alone in the sky, shining down and making the place appear even more lonesome. I truly was alone. The emptiness, sadness, and loneliness swirled around inside my heart, until it got too much. I fell down onto my knees, and wept.

Its too much. No heart could go on this way, torn in two like mine is, its eating me up inside. I wonder, can a human heart die from heartache? It would probably be a lot better for everyone if I did.

Duty calls on me to stay with Arwen, my head screams at me to do so, and yet my heart beats only for Legolas. I cannot leave, for the sake of both elves, and yet I cannot stay for if I keep this terrible secret much longer, surely my heart would break.

Eventually I stood up, my eyes feeling swollen and sore from crying. I hadn't cried like that for as long as I can remember, not since I was a very small child. Wiping the last of my tears from my face, I turned back towards the House of Elrond. The sky told me it would be dawn soon, Rivendell would soon be stirring as servants rose to prepare breakfast, and the night watch changed over with the elven bowmen of the day watch.

Taking a deep breath, I strode back towards the House of Elrond.

As I neared the house, the singing of a sweet, familiar voice disturbed my thoughts. Glancing up, I saw a figure leaning on a stone balcony far up in the top of the House of Elrond. Legolas? I stared harder to in attempt to see better. Yes, it was the elven prince. He leant against the balcony's edge, staring at the moon looking almost forlorn. His song was not joyous, it seemed almost... sad.

Immediately thoughts and concerns ran through my mind. What was wrong with Legolas? was it Valrodiel? Does he... does he somehow *know* what feelings I hold for him? No, he can't do. If he did, he would have left long ago, or I would have been found and thrown out.

I listened to his heart-rending song:

"How can I stand here and see you leave
How can I watch as you kiss so gently
Why does it feel like my hearts torn in two,
When really I should be happy for you?
I wish you the best in all sincerity
But devotion has all but consumed me
I never planned to feel this way
But the heart beats true that's all I can say

Your touch makes me tremble
Sends shivers through me
Your voice like water
Washes over me
My heart beats for you
And for you only
Without you by my side
I'm living lonely

When you hold her I feel such envy
In sadness I hide my misery
You'll never know it, you'll never see
I cry out at night for you, desperately
You'll be in my heart for eternity
If you stay or go what does it matter to me
For I can't hold on in this tragedy
When you and I can never be.

How can I live like this
Without you here
I can't go on living
If you're not near
My heart fills with pain
As you're not by my side
I cannot have you
I wonder why?"

I forced myself to stop listening. Fresh tears were beginning to well up in my eyes, and blindly I pushed my way back to my room, and threw myself onto the bed in turmoil, sobbing into the sheets.

The words of the prince's song rang through my head, part of the torrent of forlorn thoughts that rained on my heart.


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